Over the past year I’ve become more aware of how I want to handle the relationships within my life and one of the most important aspects of a healthy balanced relationship is healthy balanced communication.  What is healthy balanced communication?  From my opinion, it is a person communicating their needs constructively from a whole brained balanced state.

There are many different ways to communicate to your loved ones, and unfortunately many of us only communicate our needs when we are angry or hurt.  We usually do this in the heat of the moment, which from my point of view isn’t the best time to communicate.  We hold things in and bottle them up rather than dealing with what IS at the time it happened, which leads to emotional explosions.  We get angry, or sad, depressed and many of us don’t ask the simple question of why?  Why are we feeling that emotion?  What was the trigger?

One of the first things we can learn to do is to become more aware of why we feel the way we do.  What is making us upset, angry or sad?  Where does that come from?  Is that an old trigger from the past that we haven’t dealt with?  Is it something that is reoccurring that we need to look at?  How can I look at the emotional event in a whole brained way?  What can I learn from it so that in the future I know how to communicate what I need, when I need it, and in a constructive way?

Yes, it can take work and time at first to become more aware, but it is work that pays off in the end.

Once we have started becoming more aware, it allows us to become more clear on what we want out of our relationships.  We can then look at what we have and what we would like to improve.  The best way to improve on what we have, is to communicate to our loved ones what our needs are.  I’m not talking about telling or demanding to you partner what you want, nor trying to communicate how it needs to be in the heat of an argument.  Really, the best scenario would be for the two of you to sit separately and become clear on what you want out of the relationship, then come together, listen to what each of you have to say, and then communicate on how you can both work together towards building a positive, supportive relationship.  This is the basis of any relationship, whether it be with a partner, family member, or friend.

It isn’t about sitting there and talking about what you aren’t getting, re-hashing an argument from 12 years ago, or telling the other person what they need to do.  Yes, it is important to recognize the past, learn from it, and move forward.  Many of us get stuck in the past though.  We can’t change the past.  We can only change the present moment.  Work on the present moment so that you can change the future.

What do I mean by constructive communication or whole brained communication?  Well, it is communicating with someone else on a balanced level.  I don’t want to say without emotion, but it is in a state of mind that isn’t emotionally triggered.  So, we aren’t angry or hurtful or sad or crying or even from a state of submission where we we feel below the person we communicate with.  It’s a balanced state of equality, and it comes from a place of love.  I feel that communicating with love is paramount.

I’m not talking about telling them you love them and by showing them affection while you communicate.  It comes from place of being, and for many people it requires work to get to that state.  However, the more we practice being in that place of love and living in that state, the easier it is to get there.  Practice self love, compassion and non-judgement.  These are the emotions that get you to that state, from my opinion.  From that state of being, you can begin to manifest the relationships you want and the communication you use to get there.

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