What About My Marriage?!?
I’ve decided to stay a while longer here in New Brunswick as I feel that I have more to learn here. I originally had planned to come home the end of August, early September, but now I am staying until at least October. With the possibility of staying as long as a year. I have been getting intuitive feelings about being here for a while longer over the past couple of weeks and as hard as it is to be away from home, it really feels so right to stay.
So, let’s talk about that a bit because I’m sure some of you out there are puzzled at the fact that I have a husband in Vancouver, and are wondering how I could leave him there and be here for so long. Or even how he could be supportive of the fact that I want to stay here for so long.
I have told a few people and I have been getting very mixed reactions, which is quite interesting. The majority of people assume that Paul and I are splitting up, and even after reassuring them that we aren’t, are still decided that we are splitting up. I am thinking that it is hard for people to understand the way we work as a couple.
I already know that the relationship we have is quite unique. As much as we are a couple, we are quite independent. When we talk to each other about issues, we are able to be open and real. We don’t hold back like a lot of couples do, afraid to share their true feelings.
But I think the biggest difference between our relationship and most other relationships out there is the fact that we are supportive of each others dreams and callings in life. I’m not saying that it’s easy to be like this, because it isn’t. But I do feel that it is integral to any relationship to allow for your partner the freedom to grow personally. And truly, the boundaries of this are to be determined by each couple depending on what they want to experience out of life.
Can you imagine living like this? Being able to go after your passions, the things you’ve always wanted to do in life with the support of your partner? How awesome would that be? This is what I tell those people that come to me with the reaction of, “well…what about your marriage?” Well…what about it???
So, how do I *know* that I am doing the right thing? This is another common question posed to me frequently. Actually, this is the question that doesn’t really get asked, but that I can pick up on from people’s energy. 🙂
I FEEL it. This is the best way to describe it. It comes from the core of your soul, right from your heart. It’s a feeling of pure love and happiness. It feels light, like a weight being lifted from your shoulders. It just feels right. Some of you might be able to relate, but the feeling will be different for everyone.
How do you do this, you ask?
An exercise you can start out with is to just start asking yourself how you truly feel about something. Without any expectations. Don’t worry about what other people think. Just sit in a quiet place and and just feel. Don’t think. Maybe start with trying to see if something feels heavy or light to you. Like the weight on your shoulders analogy. It will grow from there.
All in all, I realize that this situation is out of the norm…but really, who wants to be normal?
🙂
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I think when people ask you those kinds of questions such as “What about your marriage?” what they’re really doing is projecting their own fears and insecurities.
A lot of people don’t really fully trust their partners to go away for a weekend by themselves, let alone months! To me that is a strange concept. How can you be married to someone if you can’t even trust them with something like that?
The other thing is that a lot of marriages are couples who are co-dependent on each other. It’s so easy to fall into that trap.
The funny thing is that since you’ve been gone I’ve had people ask me what I’m going to do for food, or laundry, LOL. Like I’m some kind of imbecile that can’t figure out how to throw my dirty clothes into a washing machine and turn it on, or can’t figure out how to cook something.
I mean c’mon, I know how to cook Chinese Food, Dominos, McDonalds, Boston Pizza… 🙂
On a more serious note, what’s crazy is that people who worry that you following your spiritual calling is going to break up our marriage don’t realize that if you DIDN’T pursue this path, instead staying home to please some kind of “social norms”, THAT would end up breaking up our marriage. If not now, 10 years from now when you would be filled with regrets and blaming our marriage for stopping you from doing what you are truly inspired to do.
Also, at the same time as you’re in NB following your calling I’m also here following MY calling as well. It’s not like this is some kind of one-sided thing. I’m just as busy right now pursuing my dreams, so this works out perfectly. The Universe creates perfect alignments like this when you listen to your spirit.
I wish more couples did this. I bet the divorce rates would drop significantly.
-Paul
.-= Paul Piotrowski´s last blog ..New Paulymathcom Blog Redesign Launched =-.
I think that this is going to be an amazing experience for you! I agree with Paul, if you don’t continue following this path you will probably regret it later on. I am so excited to keep hearing about all the things that you will encounter on your journey, I think I am a bit jelous 🙂 Have a great time! see you in 2 months to a year, miss ya.
Trude~
hehe
Thanks Tracey! Yeah, I’m really having a great time out here. I’ve fallen in love with the Maritimes! 🙂
I’m glad that you are enjoying my stories! So…have you starting thinking about what inspires you and what adventures you want in your life? 😉
Drea
I’m working on it. It’s harder than it seems 🙂
Don’t worry Drea I deliver food to him at least once a week 😀
Liar. This week you brought nothing!
Well, you gave me a ride home so I’ll let you off this time.
🙂
Next time I want at least a McDonald’s cheeseburger or something.
-Paul
.-= Paul Piotrowski´s last blog ..Psychic Flu =-.
Hahahaha…Thanks Bart!
I admit that my initial response to Andrea staying longer was Oh Oh..what’s going on 🙂 .. but I truly believe what an amazing partnership your marriage is. I am so grateful to have such an amazing daughter, and such an amazing son ( in-law). Thank you Paul for taking such good care of my precious daughter! I am not at all concerned about your marriage. 🙂
Thanks, I’m grateful for having you as parents-in-law too – you spoil me – but I don’t really take care of her. She takes care of herself. I do take care of the animals though… 2 dogs, 1 cat, and about 20 fish. I’ve been going to the pet store for pet food more than the grocery store lately, LOL!
Which reminds me…gotta run feed the dogs. 🙂
-Paul
.-= Paul Piotrowski´s last blog ..Psychic Flu =-.
Yeah, I could tell you were a bit worried about my staying longer!
Paul doesn’t give himself enough credit…he underestimates the importance of his support and how that is one way that he “takes care” of me. 🙂
Now…if I could only get him to clean the house on a more regular basis…LOL!
😉
This is so interesting Drea. David and I have a lot of people viewing our marriage as quite curious as well since we seem to have a ‘not normal’ relationship according to some. I agree with the above responses that usually people give you responses to things “out of the norm” simply because they are masking their own insecurities about their relationship or themselves, etc.
I have done so many things in my life that David has really supported me with, and I too, have had many people telling me how “lucky I am” to have a husband that ALLOWS me to do these things. HA! A relationship is not about ALLOWING someone to do something, it’s about being open and honest and communicating and trusting that person even with all of their faults, and their mistakes along the way & respecting their journey in life. This also works with decisions David has made that others think are ridiculous, and all that matters is that we are OK with each other’s decisions and that we support each other. David is the first person that tells me to stop “asking for permission” – as he is always helping me gain even more confidence every day.
When you told me you would be gone longer I was so happy for you – even though we miss you here, I know this is what you need to do. I too feel that I am growing, as you are a constant reminder for me to seek more and more of my own independence within our relationship.
OH, and David and I keep checking on Paul and “feeding” him every now and then. ;O)
Agata
.-= Agata Klein´s last blog ..Marketing Mix Strategies – Features- Needs- and Benefits – Tips for Small Business Owners =-.
I love you guys! As you know, I’ve been away from my wife on-and-off for the last six months. It’s been tough, but she’s back soon, and I know already our marriage is stronger for it.
Love the blog Drea!
Talk soon,
Trev
xoxo