Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

Something I have been working on creating in my life is to have really authentic relationships.  Relationships that are deep and meaningful and most of all, honest.

I felt like I had been pretty successful in weeding out any in-authenticity in my life, but I knew that there was something holding me back from allowing more “real” people to flow in.

Yesterday I had a major breakthrough in a session with a healer.  I’ve known this person for many years now and I was called to see him through my intuition.  It took a year of nagging by my guides…but I finally listened.  Haha!  I am stubborn sometimes.  😀

I’ve been having neck and hip challenges since my car accidents, 6 years ago.  Most of the healing had been done, but I kept getting these relapses where these trouble spots would seize up.  Last week I happened to have one of those relapses and my neck totally seized up, for 4 days!  It just so happened that Paul had seen a posting on Facebook from a mutual friend, Nima Rahmany saying that he was now doing mobile chiropractic work in the Lower Mainland and would come out to our home.  Must be a coincidence, right?  Ha! 😉

So, I decided to book an appointment for an adjustment with him, which happened to be yesterday!  He came to my home, set up his equipment and then we had a chat.  He asked me a bunch of questions, of which most I can’t remember now.  We did talk about what I wanted/or what I was lacking in my life right now.  I told him how I wanted to seek out more relationships/people that were authentic and that I was tired of how some people around me were not being real and authentic in our relationship.

Through a series of more questioning (what a nosy bastard, eh?  hehe) we came to the conclusion that I was being a hypocritical asshole!  There was a fairly significant relationship in my life that I wasn’t being real in.  Right under my nose!  Can you believe it?!   People that really know me would probably say that I’m pretty straight forward and to the point.  The awareness of this realization of having this type of relationship was quite surprising.  🙂

We then dove deeper!  More questions…more answers…more awareness!  For a while now, I’ve been aware of a subconscious program I’ve been running of “not being good enough”.  I’ve been working on tackling it for a while now.  Yesterday it was linked back to this significant relationship in which I wasn’t being real in.  There were feelings/actions from the past that were hindering the relationship today, and I was allowing it to happen!

This relationship had/has love in it…it was just stiff and awkward.  We didn’t really go deep into much conversation, topics were kept light.  The dance didn’t flow like it could, so to speak.

So here we are talking about this new founded awareness and what does Nima say?  “Ok, now you are going to call this person and tell them how you have been pretending to be in a relationship with them.”  I think my words back to him were something like…”are you fucking kidding me?  I can’t do that!”  LOL!  He pretty much told me too bad…you are doing it.  This was my homework.  We made a game plan of what I was going to talk about, through most of which I cried.  I had Nima running for kleenex multiple times through this bit of the session.  🙂

So I put my big girl panties on…and did it.  I had this conversation with this person.  This was big.  I was facing a huge fear I didn’t realize I had.  I got really real.  The conversation was the most honest conversation we have ever had.  And it was fabulous.  I shared, this person shared and we left the conversation with a new level of depth and openness.  I am so grateful I followed through and had this conversation.  It really transformed this relationship in a matter of 20 minutes.

One of the things Nima said to me that really hit home and was a deciding factor in having this conversation with this person was that we don’t really know how much time we have left.  Well…he actually said “You’re gonna die soon…you don’t know how long u have to do this.”  Hahah!  His words hit home, because we don’t know how much time we have here on Earth.  I am a big believer in living in the present moment and in being open, honest and present for the relationships in my life.

In writing this story and sharing with you, I hope I have inspired you to take a look at the relationships in your life and find a way to be more open and honest in them.  😀

Many people have asked me about soul mates.  The how’s and when’s and why’s of being or wanting a soul mate.  I thought I would share with you a few myths surrounding soul mates.

Myth #1 – We only have one Soul Mate

This is a myth.  I prefer to call it a soul connection rather than a soul mate.  We have many soul connections over our life time.  You may meet someone and refer to them as a kindred spirit.  Chances are when you meet this other soul, there is a strong sense of familiarity or comfort when seeing them.  Hey, you might even strongly despise them right off the bat for no reason at all.  Chances are, this soul has wronged you in a past life.  A soul connection doesn’t always mean that you will have a sexual relationship with them.  They could be life long friends, co-workers, or earth angels even!

I have had many soul connections so far.  Some are great, some not so great.   This leads us to our next myth…

Myth #2 – When I meet a Soul Mate I will live happily ever after

Wrongo Bongo!

Well..I guess it depends on your perception for part of this one.  😉

Soul connections, especially the important ones, are here to help us learn!  They are here to assist us with our life lessons and sometimes this will drive us crazy!  From my perception, this is awesome!  Other people might not like this so much.

Some soul connections are very strong and intense and are meant to last a life time, but some are very short lived.  We may only get a few years with a soul connection, whether it be a friend or a lover.

Paul is a soul connection for me.  When I first met him, it was an instant connection.  We talked everyday after that.  He has been my biggest support and my biggest challenge!  I have learned many things from him.  Some days he just drives me crazy.  He can be a real dork sometimes!  Haha!  😀

I’ve had other soul connections like this with friends.  Learned many things from them.  Some of them are still in my life, some are not.  This is ok.  Just because we meet a soul connection, it doesn’t always mean we are going to live happily ever after with them.

Myth 3# –   My Soul Mate will be just like me

Nope!

They are a completely different person and a different soul.  They too have lessons here to learn.  They will have their own personality.  You may have a few qualities or interests that are similar, but really they are a different person.

Embrace your differences and enjoy them.  Chances are that your differences will compliment the relationship and enhance it.

Myth #4 – My Soul Mate should already be perfect

LOL.  Ya right!

Are you perfect?  Probably not!  What is perfection anyways?  A fantasy…that’s what!

Should??  Says who?  We will attract a soul connection that is perfect for us in the moment we are in.  They will be human.  They will have challenges, just like us!

If you believe this myth, it really leaves no room for growth, evolving or discovering.  Remember, if you spot it…you got it!

The best of relationships take commitment, time, honesty, compassion and awareness.

By becoming aware of these myths, you can let go of the blocks that have been holding you back from allowing more soul connections in.

What is your favorite soul connection story?  Let us know below!

It can be challenging to make changes for the better in our lives sometimes.  Especially when these changes involve people that we love or care about.

When we start down a path of self healing or self discovery we often start to learn about boundaries and how to create healthy boundaries.  We are really creating new patterns here, or new dances so to speak.

Not everyone in our lives will want to participate in our new dances.  More often than not, the people that have the hardest time with our changes are the ones that are hurting the most.

When we start to empower ourselves and make better choices and start to speak our truths to others, we can find that sometimes the ones we care about the most can have the strongest reactions.  This is because we are changing and deciding not to participate in the pattern (or dance) that has been going on for years.

If you are in a relationship that isn’t serving the new you, then sometimes we have to let those relationships go.  If you are surrounded by people that constantly put you down directly or indirectly, and you have spoken your truth to them, but they decide to continue with the same pattern then it may be time to look at detaching from that relationship.

Our relationships, whether it is friends, close relatives, parents, or in-laws, are to be positive.  We want to feel good around the people that we surround ourselves with.  We want to choose people that will listen and empower us rather than condemn and strip us down.

Yes, this includes our close family.  It doesn’t matter if this is your parent or sibling continually treating you like garbage.  Unwilling to hear your feelings or bashing you when you try to communicate with them.  We have the hardest time with this.

We feel like we HAVE to keep these destructive relationships in our lives out of obligation.  “But this is my parent…I can’t let go of my parent…”  I hear this often.  When this person, WHOEVER it is, is abusive and unwilling to change then tell me…why would we want them in our lives?  Why would we want to subject ourselves to that type of energy?  Why would we sacrifice our well-being just because we feel we HAVE to?

No.  This is not right.

We deserve the best in our lives.  We deserve to be surrounded by people that support us and be our cheerleaders.  To care and comfort us in time of need.  To help guide and uplift us to be the best that we can be.

I’m not saying that everything is going to be perfect.  There may be conflict and challenges that arise within these positive relationships.  The difference though, is in the communication that happens when conflict arises.

It’s to be constructive not destructive.  Both parties are willing to listen and share how things make them feel.  Both parties are willing to make changes and respect the boundaries that are being put forth.

I saw this Meme the other day that said something to the effect of ” people that leave you didn’t really love you because they wanted you to change…so stay the same because they never really loved you…”.  It slightly irritated me because the energy behind it was perpetuating victim-hood and was covered in guilt energy.

What if the exact thing that your loved ones really need is for you to leave their lives so that they can create their own new patterns?  Maybe by allowing them to treat us badly we are possibly enabling them to participate in the dance?  Something to think about.

On the flip side…

If you are continually acting like an asshole and continually hurting the people in your life, then there is going to be a chance that those people are going to walk away from the relationship with you.  If you aren’t listening to what the people in your life are saying to you and are combative and unwilling to look at the responsibility that you hold in your part of the dance, then people may leave the dance.

We deserve the best in our lives.  The best in everything, especially with whom we choose to share these bests.

Choose wisely. 🙂

I came across this video which perfectly sums up what I tell my clients who come in with relationship questions or challenges.  We first must become in alignment with who we are and find fulfillment from within.  Focus on self-love first, shift your energy and raise your vibration.  THEN look for someone who is vibrationally at match with the fulfilled you.  Do not depend upon others to make you happy.  Make yourself happy.

I LOVED the marriage vows Abraham/Esther speaks of in this video.  I will paste them just below and then you can listen to her say them in the video.

“We would like your marriage vows, or your relationship vows, to go like this: ‘Dear one, I want you to know that as much as I love you, there is someone who comes first before you. And that is my alignment with the Source within me. That is my Inner Being. That is who I am devoted to. That is who I’m aligned to. That’s who I’m feeling for. That’s what my commitment is to. And my promise to you is, that I will give you as much as I can – the fullness of me – not a separated me. I’m going to do my best to satisfy my alignment, and therefore give you the gift of living with someone who is aligned. And what that will be for you, what that will mean for you, how that will play out for you is: I won’t be needing or demanding from you behavior in order to keep myself happy. My happiness will be dependent upon my focus.”

Enjoy!!

Over the past year I’ve become more aware of how I want to handle the relationships within my life and one of the most important aspects of a healthy balanced relationship is healthy balanced communication.  What is healthy balanced communication?  From my opinion, it is a person communicating their needs constructively from a whole brained balanced state.

There are many different ways to communicate to your loved ones, and unfortunately many of us only communicate our needs when we are angry or hurt.  We usually do this in the heat of the moment, which from my point of view isn’t the best time to communicate.  We hold things in and bottle them up rather than dealing with what IS at the time it happened, which leads to emotional explosions.  We get angry, or sad, depressed and many of us don’t ask the simple question of why?  Why are we feeling that emotion?  What was the trigger?

One of the first things we can learn to do is to become more aware of why we feel the way we do.  What is making us upset, angry or sad?  Where does that come from?  Is that an old trigger from the past that we haven’t dealt with?  Is it something that is reoccurring that we need to look at?  How can I look at the emotional event in a whole brained way?  What can I learn from it so that in the future I know how to communicate what I need, when I need it, and in a constructive way?

Yes, it can take work and time at first to become more aware, but it is work that pays off in the end.

Once we have started becoming more aware, it allows us to become more clear on what we want out of our relationships.  We can then look at what we have and what we would like to improve.  The best way to improve on what we have, is to communicate to our loved ones what our needs are.  I’m not talking about telling or demanding to you partner what you want, nor trying to communicate how it needs to be in the heat of an argument.  Really, the best scenario would be for the two of you to sit separately and become clear on what you want out of the relationship, then come together, listen to what each of you have to say, and then communicate on how you can both work together towards building a positive, supportive relationship.  This is the basis of any relationship, whether it be with a partner, family member, or friend.

It isn’t about sitting there and talking about what you aren’t getting, re-hashing an argument from 12 years ago, or telling the other person what they need to do.  Yes, it is important to recognize the past, learn from it, and move forward.  Many of us get stuck in the past though.  We can’t change the past.  We can only change the present moment.  Work on the present moment so that you can change the future.

What do I mean by constructive communication or whole brained communication?  Well, it is communicating with someone else on a balanced level.  I don’t want to say without emotion, but it is in a state of mind that isn’t emotionally triggered.  So, we aren’t angry or hurtful or sad or crying or even from a state of submission where we we feel below the person we communicate with.  It’s a balanced state of equality, and it comes from a place of love.  I feel that communicating with love is paramount.

I’m not talking about telling them you love them and by showing them affection while you communicate.  It comes from place of being, and for many people it requires work to get to that state.  However, the more we practice being in that place of love and living in that state, the easier it is to get there.  Practice self love, compassion and non-judgement.  These are the emotions that get you to that state, from my opinion.  From that state of being, you can begin to manifest the relationships you want and the communication you use to get there.

To book a personalized session with Drea on improving the relationships in your life, click here

This month is all about love and Valentine’s Day.  We focus on showing love for spouses, family and friends, but what about love for ourselves?  Maybe we can think about showing ourselves a little more love and kindness!

Many of us struggle with self-love and really focusing on ourselves and what we need.  How often do you get time to sit down and think about how great of a person you are, and what you have to offer the world?  Instead we go about our day beating ourselves up, criticizing what we do and second guessing every move we make.  It’s time to be kind!

Are you searching for love outside of yourself?  How many times have you thought or said, ” I wish my husband (or significant other) would show me more love…would be more romantic…would compliment me more…?”.  Yes it’s nice to receive love and compliments, but ask yourself if this is where your sense of security and self-worth is stemming from?  Why is it that you hope and wait to hear compliments from others, but not give them to yourselves?

But how do we love ourselves?  How do we change this?  We first become aware of what our thoughts are.  What we are thinking about ourselves is very important.  If we are constantly beating up on ourselves, stop and ask why.  Where is this thought coming from?  What is the belief around it?  Has someone said this to you in the past, and you have adopted this belief as your own?

Start looking at where in your life you are feeling unsatisfied and start making changes.  Do you work at a job that you hate?  Do you have relationships that don’t bring value to your life?  What are your passions?  What do you love to do?  Why aren’t you doing the things you love to do?  What is stopping you?

Yes, there are many questions to ask ourselves and sure, some of them are tough to find the answers for.

How long can you keep avoiding looking for the answers and keep living a life that you are unhappy with?  How much time will pass by before you realize that receiving love from others REALLY starts with you loving yourself unconditionally?

What are you waiting for?

To book a session to help you on your path…contact Drea.

Do you have a relationship in your life that drags you down?  You feel drained or negative after being around or speaking to this person.  Or this person speaks of all the bad in their life, but doesn’t take the action required to make their life better.  You know who I’m speaking of.  Whether it be with a significant other, friend or family member, many of us have these relationships with people that we seem to keep a hold of.  But why?

Obligation, guilt, fear of change, not feeling worthy of better relationships, and other reasons.  Let’s talk about a few of these reasons.

Guilt.  We feel guilty either for standing up for ourselves and telling whomever, enough is enough.  We feel guilty because we don’t want to hurt their feelings, not taking into consideration our personal well being and having constant negativity thrown at us.  It’s funny how we put them first, over us, isn’t it?  But why do we do that?

Not feeling worthy.  We don’t feel that we deserve better.  We are used to putting others first and ourselves second…third…last even.  Self-love and putting ourselves first is what we can practice more.  By allowing yourself to be first, and choosing not to have that type of energy around you, you are practicing self-love and feeling worthy of having a better life filled with more fulfilling relationships.

Obligation is probably one of the biggest reasons why we hold onto these relationships with people that don’t serve our higher good.  We feel obligation towards that person, whether it be for a societal reason, or because they are family, or a long time friend.  So what?  It’s time to let go of that obligation!  Obligation is just another form of worrying about what other people think about you!  It doesn’t matter what they think.  What’s important is what YOU think about YOU.  What if it’s your closest family member, you ask?  Like a sibling or parent or child?  What if it is?  Doesn’t matter.  You need to ask your self what you want out of life.  Does this relationship that you are holding onto, yeah, the one filled with constant negativity, abuse, anger, guilt, or frustration, serve you?  Do you want to be caught up in that drama?

No?

Then stop fearing change.

I’ll tell you one thing.  When you let go of people in your life that no longer serve your higher good, you make room for people in your life that DO serve your higher good.  Now, doesn’t that sound like more fun?  It does to me!  Having people in your life that support your passions, that are truly happy for you in everything you do in life.  A relationship based on freedom rather than one based on conditions.  Doesn’t that feel lighter to you?

I’m not saying that everything is going to be rosey posey and you will never have conflict within your relationships ever again.  The difference is that you will be able to resolve conflict in a respectable manner with open communication, rather than communication within a relationship based on fear, guilt and obligation.  There is a difference.

So, tell me, how are you going to embrace change and move towards a future with happier, more fulfilling relationships?

To book a personalized energy session with Drea, click here